Made it to 35 weeks!

Today marks my 35th week. I am super excited that it is getting closer as well as the babies are staying put so they will come out as healthy and developed as they need to be. However, I am miserable. I definitely feel this pregnancy has been one of my life tests. I had such easy pregnancies with Jackson and Madison that it took me having twins to know what it felt like to be other women. I am huge and uncomfortable. My belly is very large, I have pain in my butt, back and legs. My upper torso has a constant burning feeling. I have heartburn almost every other night. I haven't been able to breathe out of my nose for about 4 months. I have had to sleep on my side since about 15 weeks, ( i am a stomach sleeper). I use a body pillow plus a regular pillow and still am not comfortable. I pee every 45 minutes. I've gained 30 pounds. It takes me about an hour to be able to walk after waking up in the morning. I have hemorrhoids and constipation sometimes. I am so freaking hot, my poor family has to bundle up because I keep it at 65 in here. My poor children are suffering because I can't sit on the floor to play with them. I can barely put on my own shoes. Forget dressing properly, it takes all I have to put on pants and that is while I am sitting down. LOL On the plus side, my nails and hair are looking good. I have two beautiful babies growing in my belly and it is such a joy to feel them move and see them move. They have been face to face for about a month now so clearly they already love each other.

I am hoping to make it a few more weeks just to be in the clear. I am truly grateful for this opportunity to be a mother to twins. I look forward to many years to come of chaos and excitement.

Just my thoughts

So I sit here after Barack Obama has just been re-elected as President and I am sick to my stomach. I now have an even bigger responsibility to teach my children right and how to be self sufficient. I am truly speechless at how ignorant and selfish this country is. Why? Why did they give office to the same man that has put us in the spot we are now? Why are people blind to the whole picture and truth? Do we really think he is going to save us and give you everything for free? Do you really feel Obamacare is the right way to go? Come on. I am not as educated as I should be on some of the issues but I know evil when I see it and Obama is not the right person. Or maybe he is because all the proficies in the scriptures need to come to. I have never felt the end is near like I do right now and it scares me. I want so much more for my children. I want to have a full life with them and see them grow up and see the world for it's beauty, the way God made it to be. I just pray that the righteous will be taken care of and that we will succeed. I feel I am rambling on which I probably am because I have so many things running through my head right now. I want to be a better example for my children and my husband. I want to be a better servant for the lord. I never want to be afraid to share the gospel or stand for what I believe. I definitely have some changes to make. I am not perfect but I want to strive to be more perfect even as our Heavenly Father is. My kids and family deserve that.

My husband!!!

Richard is so great. I have been unemployed for a little over 2 months now and I owe it all to him. He is going to school full time and working about 20 hours a week, all so I can stay home. I will be completely honest and say I have been waiting for this day. It took a little while to get to this place. Richard didn't always understand why I wanted to stay home. He comes from a mother that worked almost his whole life so the stay-at-home mom things was foreign. Well I think he finally understands and it actually has eased his burden more too. Just today he registered for winter classes and realized he can go whenever and doesn't have to work around my schedule. He has more time with the kids because he doesn't have to worry about watching them like he was before. He has more time for homework and can focus on class more. He hasn't missed one class yet. I am so proud of him. He didn't really have any male figure to look up to in his life and he is setting such a good example to his children. He is definitely breaking the mold of the Dalton name. He has already finished 2 years of college and even he says he is proud of himself. I am so happy that he is happy. He is enjoying school even though it is rough for him sometimes. He tries his best and doesn't give up. He is a good father. I know if it was 6 years ago, he would never think he would be married to a mormon with almost 4 kids but I know he loves his life and wouldn't change it for the world. I love that he plays with the kids. I love the relationship they have. He is the fun, calm parent. They just look up to him. I am proud of him. He has grown up into a man just in the last year. I see this change in him that just makes me fall in love with him more and more. I look forward to many more years.

Jackson

What can I say about my little bug? He is just wonderful. Of course we have our moments but for the most part he is a sensitive, tender little man. He currently weighs 50 lbs and is 42 inches tall. He is my linebacker (wishful thinking). -he can count to 10 -he can recognize groups of 1,2 or 3 items -he knows all of his shapes and colors -HE LOVES TO SING -he loves cars (he's up to about 200 now) -he is a big helper -he loves transformers, avengers, ironman, hulk, batman (pretty much all superheroes) -he loves Bob the Builder -he loves building things with his legos -he loves setting up his train track and playing with Thomas -he has been potty trained since about may (thank goodness) -he doesn't take naps anymore -he loves being outside (and actually runs away from us when it's time to go) -he can do a sommersault -he can say his ABC's -he can recognize the letters J, K, O, G and A -he can draw the letter J -he loves to take pictures -he loves primary (he'll probably cry next year when he has different teachers) -he tries so hard to play with the older kids -he can ride a bike (with training wheels) -he loves the pool -he speaks in complete sentences Jackson is growing everyday and I love hearing him talk. He is so clear and I can understand everything he says. He is very curious and asks me a million questions everyday about where things come from or how things are made. It is fun for me because I really have to answer him correctly. He is so excited about the new babies. We come from a ward that has on average 4 baby blessings a month so needless to say we have a ton of babies. He looks around during sacrament meeting and counts them and says "mommy, another baby" He keeps asking when the babies in my tummy will be here. I know he will be a great big brother as he already is.

Madison

So last month we took her to the doctor for her well baby check up. She is 34 inches tall (90th percentile) and 28 lbs. (80th percentile). She has grown a ton and is very tall. She is my little lady bug. I just love her and her personality. -she can point to her nose, eyes, ears, hair, belly, hands, mouth, feet, hands and toes. -she can build a castle/tower with the legos -she loves loves her stuffed animals (monkey, NALA, baby doll, bunny, teddy bear) -she loves all food and gets excited when we make her a plate -she can say baby, lala, byebye, door dada, momma, ball, eye, choo choo, no, doggy, bird, this shoes, buzz, jackson, book, pooh, bear, duck, blue, water, bottle, banana, ironman, man, nose, elmo, night night, cheese, whoa, tunnel, uh-oh, bed, bus and bath. (although I feel like she is doing great, the doctor wants her to know 100+ words by the time she is 2 or he is going to send her to a speech therapist) -she loves her sleep -she loves to dance -she absolutely adores her brother -she has a little bit of an attitude -she loves books -she is a pro at going to nursery (doesn't even say bye to me when she walks in) -she loves shoes and has to have them on at all times -she loves doggies -she can climb all the ladders at the playground (scares me to death sometimes) -she may be a tv junkie :) -she loves to jump, and turn, and fall down -she tries so hard to do everything Jackson does. Madison is just a little ball of energy. I love it. She is always moving (even when she is eating). She is definitely going to be a heartbreaker. She already gives us looks of innocence that we just can't say no to. She is so pretty and has a tender sweet side that comes out every once in while and I love it. I look forward to her growth in the future.

Happy Halloween!

This year we went to the ward trunk or treating. It was fun for the kids to get to wear their costumes. WE did a theme with them, Jackson went as Bumble B Transformer and Madison went as a bumblebee. They loved their costumes, in fact this was the 3rd time they wore them. LOL The party also was a chili cookoff and then they had some activities for the kids. It wound them up then wore them out really fast. They went to sleep really well that night.

Future photographer!

Jackson and I were playing outside one day while Madison was napping and he asked if he could take pictures. So I gave him the camera and let him have free reign. He was so happy. He ended up taking over 100 pictures. Here are a just a few.

Picnic!

We went on a spur of the moment picnic up the Provo Canyon. Unfortunately Richard was working so he couldn't come but Kirk came and it was so much fun especially for the kids. We just pulled off at a park and found this cozy little spot right next to the water. We had subs and lots of junk. The kids dug in the dirt and threw enough rocks to build a dam in the water. They had a blast, at one point Madison thought it a good idea to try to go in the water. Thanks to Kirks quick reflexes he got her before she floated away. It was a wonderful relaxing couple of hours.

Not enough time in the day.

I don't know how some moms do it, keeping kids happy and house clean and running a million errands and still have time to blog every day or even turn on the computer every day. I was talking to a friend today while our kids played on the playground and we both came to the agreement that we feel guilty when we turn our attention to the computer or technology for even a moment in the day. Is this normal? Do other mothers feel this way? And if not, how do you not? I know we are supposed to have alone time and take care of ourselves but when does it become okay to do that? I have been thinking a lot about this since I recently became a stay-at-home mom. It has been a month and I am still adjusting and coming up with a routine for my kids and myself. I am trying not to be that overbearing mother who's kids are all stressed out because I have them doing simple math and reading and writing by the time they are 3. However I do want them to be active and smart so where is the balance? I refuse to be that mother that has my kids in a million activities that overwhelm their day but that just means I have to keep them busy in other ways. We make sure to read books every day and build some sort of fort or block tower every day. We play with cars while learning/practicing colors. We go outside. We color and/or paint. We play music on our play instruments. We always listen to music. We make sure to eat meals together. We shop together. We take baths. We watch blues clues and Disney movies. And we play toys a lot. To me that seems like enough to fill a day yet sometimes I feel like I am running out of things for the kids to do. I see them look at me sometimes for more challenging activities or something new to do. What do I do with a almost 4 year old and almost 2 year old that doesn't cost a ton of money? These questions are what my focuses are lately. I want my kids to be challenged and know that they can do anything that they put their minds to. I want them to be risk takers and to never accept defeat. I want them to be leaders and righteous human beings. I just hope I am doing all that I can to make sure they feel that way.

Just pictures!

I have the best job and husband!

Let's start at the beginning so I can always remember how far I have come. In 2002 I started working at the Olive Garden. I loved it immediately. I had great bosses and the people were wonderful. I worked for less than a year because I graduated massage school and wanted to work in that field. Well a couple years went by and massage didn't work out. I moved back to Utah and started working for the same General Manager Travis Ballingham at the Olive Garden again. It was just like old times. This time around I made some of my best friends though. Alex Doria will always be my guy. Jesseca is my girl. Jaclyn, Bryson, Tate, Jules, Lee, Wilson, Hess, Jac and Josh, Cheryl,Josh, Anika Trent, Jim. I could go on and on. We had some good times and work was always a joy. I got the opportunity to travel to Alaska so I took it which mean't leaving the OG again but I knew I would be back. Wrong! I met Richard and decided to make Alaska my home for the next two years. I did however come back after that. My last time back to the restaurant was July 2009. I went right back to doing my old jobs (bartending, take-out and serve). It was a little different but mostly the same. I was appreciated. I had a great relationship with my manager Dave Rigby and he trusted me to do quite a bit. I even started the track to management. I had a setback when I got pregnant with Madison but decided to go back in it again. We got new management in October of 2011 and all hell broke loose. Now I know each manager is different but this was almost a slap in the face. She came in and changed everything. No one is happy at work. She is a micro-manager which is my least favorite type (and frankly I don't think can work in a restaurant setting). She turned the restuarant upside down. Employees that have worked there for years are finding jobs elsewhere, employees are quitting and getting fired for stupid reasons. It was just exhausting to go to work especially if she was there. Her other managers are fantastic but she makes their lives hard too. A blessing came into my life in May 2012 when we found out I was pregnant again. I knew that with this mean't I would be able to take off some time after the baby was born and have a break from this wretched place called work. ( I know what you're thinking, why didn't I just quit) I had insurance through work, I had a retirement plan, I had years and I was pregnant, no one would hire a pregnant lady and give her insurance so I had to stay. So I stayed and worked through it. I moved back to take out full time in June and was happy there, but that just mean't I was interacting with the managers more. I saw too many faults up there; the way the other employees were treated, the way the bar was handled, the way the CT's were not being utilized and the way the restaurant was falling apart. Because I had been with the company for so long, I knew how it should be run. It really just broke my heart to see it run so poorly. It was all about numbers and money instead of employee relations and guests. My next blessing came August 14th. I was working with my favorite employee Jake Porter. We were talking about how people don't do their jobs but yet talk about each other like they are better than one another. An employee by the name of Ryan Honeyman came up and he was the one of talking about Jake. We discussed it and Jake decided confront him. Ryan immediately thought it was me and started yelling at me in profanities and calling me inappropriate words. I decided not to do anything about it because we never work together and honestly I didn't want to waste my time. So I left it alone. Well that following saturday Aug. 18th it happened again but this time it was worse. There was a misunderstanding and because I was at work, i was involved and knew what was going on, so Ryan decided to call me on the work phone and again yell at me in profanities and call me names. I lost it. I couldn't breathe, I could barely speak, I was hyperventilating. I went off in front of the manager that was present and he was confused. He had no idea what was going on. Jake filled him in on everything. Richard was there too and Jake told him everything. That led to Richard getting mad and the manager taking action. However, this manager wasn't the general manager so he couldn't fix it. It had to be the GM which by previous paragraphs is not exactly my favorite person. So we went about our shift and got through it. I for sure thought I would be called into the office to speak to the GM the next day. Oops, I was wrong. I went to work on Tuesday and nothing. I was starting to get really mad. I went home that day after work and basically begged Richard when I could quit. We had decided that I would work through September 8th just so he could get used to school. So I was excited. I planned on telling them my next shift which was on Thursday, in two days. Well that all changed. I gave up my shift because frankly I didn't want to work. The GM ended up calling me on Thursday asking me when we could chat, like it was a casual thing. I was astonished. I said to her, "I didn't want to do this over the phone but I am giving my notice", she then tried to sound all sad and say "oh, that's probably best for you, and your family" The conversation went on for about 5 minutes with her saying things about me having a big family and it's where I want to be and blah blah blah. It really took the cake when she then said "well I can take you off the schedule next week, because Ryan needs shifts" Can you believe she would say that to me? I said fine. I will work saturday and be done with this place. I hung up the phone and was speechless. She had the audacity to speak his name like that like nothing. She didn't care, she never cared. I went to work on saturday and it was weird. She kept trying to be nice to me and I finally just looked at her and said "Stacey, I am not quitting because I am pregnant, I don't need to be home, I can still physically work, I am quitting because of you, I am leaving because you don't care and because I can't work in this environment anymore. So please stop trying to be nice to me, because I will never have to see you again" That felt really good and I never spoke to her again. I am truly blessed to be home with my babies and be the mother and wife that I want to be. I am just heartbroken the way it ended and the fact that nothing was done about Ryan Honeyman and he still works there and how he is just going to find another girl to do this too. Richard is the real hero here, he made it possible for me to stay home. He is making it possible for me to make this home into the haven I want it too be. He is a good man. And I can only hope that I make him and my children proud.

Twins!

We are actually very excited and overjoyed for this new chapter in our lives. On August 6th we went in for our 16 week appointment and were able to find out the sex of the babies. We were thrilled. We had anticipated that it would happen in a few more weeks but when the tech said she could tell us then we opted to find out. I went home and picked up Richard and the kids and we went back at 3:00P.M. to see the babies.......dun dun dun, we are having one of each! They found baby girl first because baby boy is always in a ball for some reason but we were able to shake him a little and he moved so we could see him. WE are so excited, I can't begin to describe. We were hoping for boy/girl and that's what we got. YAY!

Wow, I didn't realize how long it had been. Since the last post we have had many blessings in our lives. The best and most stressful/wonderful one was on June 27th we had our first doctors appointment and it went very well. It being the first appointment makes it the longest, so I did my vital signs, peed in the cup, got weighed, yada yada yada, then waited for my ultrasound. We went into the room and I laid down on the bed. The tech immediately found the baby and it was a very strong heartbeat 178. We were happy. I don't care how many babies I have, hearing the heartbeat just makes it real and wonderful. We were done, or so we thought. The tech moved the wand instead of picking it up and another baby popped up! AHHHHH!!!!!!!, I couldn't help but laugh. (see on 3 different occasions I had had twin dreams before this appt) This was not as big as a surprise as some would thought it should have been. I cried a little but mostly just laughed even into the lab for blood work and into see Dr. Judd. I think it was a nervous laughter. We immediately alerted the family and after they all knew I put it on facebook, or course a gazillion responses came in making me feel loved. We are still trying to wrap our heads around it. The following week was me walking around like a zombie but also being stressed. We are not financially set for twins. I have to buy everything again, even though I have enough for one baby, we are having two babies. It didn't really sink in until about last week when I woke up in extreme mouth pain and couldn't sleep, so I just pleaded with Heavenly Father which then turned into me crying that I was not a suitable mother for twins and why me? Almost immediately Madison woke up, so I went to her room and just snuggled her and got my answer. Heavenly Father believes in me enough to care for these two precious spirits and he doesn't give you anything you can't handle, so I know I will be okay. It was my first breakdown but he quickly took it away and I am truly grateful for a knowing Heavenly Father who loves me. About ten days ago, some friends of ours were given another car, so they sold us their old one. Its the not greatest car but it is a blessing. We are able to work more and not have to spend money on the bus. They are very sweet friends that we will be indebted to. As for our everyday life, we are just working and playing. We go to the pool about 3 times a week. It really makes Jackson smile. The weather has been absolutely ridiculous this summer. 90's to 100's everyday. It is a killer. I am just praying that fall gets here soon. On the 16th we went to the school to figure some things out and finally Richard is RESIDENT! It is a miracle. We have been trying forever and finally it happened. Another blessing. As you can see we are doing well. The kids are growing and getting so smart. Richard started hosting this week and already loves it. He will be making an hourly wage which in the long run will help us set up a budget. I am glad he is happy.

And then there were 5!!!

YAY!! On May 18th, I was feeling a little funny and by my calculations I was 5 days late so just for fun, we went to the store and got some tests. TA DA, those little puppies turned positive before I even flushed the toilet. I couldn't believe it, we had only been trying for a month. Since General Conference weekend to be exact. If you remember my post from a few months ago voicing my frustrations, well I had a chat with both my mom and richard and found it was all a misunderstanding really. I then used General Conference weekend to sort some things out and pray and listen for answers. Well, I got them and was able to share with Richard the overwhelming spirit I felt about having more babies and we decided it would be a good thing. Little did we know that Heavenly Father already knew and made it happen a lot faster than we expected but we couldn't be happier. Jackson wants a brodder some days and a sis some other days so who knows. Of course Madison doesn't really get it so this should be fun. Holy goodness, we are going to have 3 kids!!!!

Thomas!!!!

Memorial Day Weekend

We were lucky enough to have the whole weekend off due to our quickness of requesting it off like 3 months ago. We definitely enjoyed our weekend. To start things off we went to Heber City and rode the railroad and visited with Thomas the Tank engine. Jackson just had a blast. More pics to come of that. Monday we went up to Jolleys Ranch in Hobble Creek and had a BBQ with some friends April and Joe Clark. We really like hanging out with them. WE had an abundance of food and found a perfect little spot with shade and sun to enjoy. They had a nice little creek that Madison fell in and of course screamed bloody murder and a neat playground for the kids. We grilled hot dogs and hamburgers, played baseball and football, blew bubbles, lit sparklers, ran around a lot and just had a wonderful time. I truly enjoy these little outings we have and hope that the kids remember the fun times that we have together.

Kids say the darndest things!

Lately Jackson has been saying funny things and I wanted to just jot them down so I don't forget. Him and Uncle Kirky were watching a movie the other day and I sat on the couch to join them and he looks up at me and said "mommy, i don't want you on the couch, i need you in the kitchen" I said "what?", and he says "go to the kitchen" i couldn't stop laughing, but I left anyway. We play this funny game with Jackson just to get him to laugh. We ask him who he is, by saying "are you a monkey?" NO, "are you an elephant?" NO, "are you a ball?" NO, "are you a girl?" NO. During this game my mom said, "oh, you're a horse," and Jackson replies, "NO, you're a cow!" He had no idea what he was saying and of course my mom didn't take offense to it, but it made us laugh for like 5 minutes. One of my favorite things he says every time one of us gets home from work is when he follows us into our room so we can change clothes and he sits up on the bed and says "tell me about your day." It is just the cutest thing. He loves Thomas and Friends, and has a train set with a ton of trains. He is constantly playing with them and it is so cute to hear him say "thomas has to take on some coal", or "Spencer is going to the branch line". Lately he's been running around the house singing, "trasfomers, than meets the eye" and "bots roll out". Daddy and Jackson have been watching the Transformers cartoon on Netflix and he is fascinated by them. He is just learning and growing so much, it makes me sad but anxious to see where his life takes him.

Easter

So Easter was fun this year. Jackson actually anticipated it and was excited for it to come. We had Stake Conference so we didn't attend church but stayed home and had a great day. Madison had to wake up Jackson so we could get started. It was cute, they each had their own bucket to put their eggs in. Madison of course didn't find as many as Jackson but was happy just the same. The Easter Bunny brought each of them some goodies. Nothing huge but a bunch of little fun toys and candy. They were especially happy with the bubbles. It was just fun to see their faces each time they found a egg. Around 3, our friend Joe and April came over as well as Kirk. We had a nice dinner and some wonderful dessert. WE played some scattegories (with some good laughs) and played with the kids. WE watch The Testaments movie to feel the spirit and listened to some great music. Overall it was a perfect Easter Sunday.

Updates!

I took the kiddos to the doctor today for a check up. Jackson went in for his 3 year. His vision is 20/25. He weighs 49 lbs and stands 40 inches tall. He named all his shapes and colors for the doctor and actually held a conversation with the nurse so I feel his shyness/stranger danger is slowly going away. I freaked out a little when they weighed him, but the doctor didn't seem too worried. WE will just keep monitoring his food and exercise and maybe he won't stay in the 98th percentile across the board his whole life. :)

Madison weighs 24 lbs and is 31.5 inches tall. She is in the 80th percentile across the board. Apparently my children are going to the be the big ones on the playground. HMMMM..... She did so good letting the nurse check her vitals and the doctor checking her ears and whatnot. Then the shots came. First one, fine, 2nd one, she looked up at me and gave me the saddest look. I felt awful, because there were 2 more coming. She cried and clung to me like someone had just hurt her feelings. She is now sleeping but very restless. She is already my sensitive girl so adding shots just makes it more pitiful.

It is always nerve racking when we go to the doctor. Am I doing the right thing? Am I feeding them properly? Do I give them enough play time? Food? Naps? Are the doctors going to be mean to me? But then after it is over and all is said and done, I am a good mother and they are going to be just fine. I need to remember to relax and not let my nerves get the best of me.

Thankful

First of all I am thankful for my little family!!!!!
I can't get over how much joy they bring to my life and how much love I feel for them. Richard is such a good man. He has surpassed all my expectations and is learning and growing everyday. He is working hard at school and is really starting to enjoy it.
Jackson is such a little man. He is so smart. He knows all of his colors, shapes and can count to 10. He is constantly helping out and can't stop telling Madison what to do. She loves him though.
Madison is my happy girl. She is always so excited and happy no matter what she is doing.
I am thankful for a living prophet and the chance we get to hear him speak every April. I was definitely inspired from Conference.
I am grateful for my job. I despise it sometimes but it is a good job that supports my family.
I am grateful for money. We have not been without for a while now and I am so grateful for that. I am grateful for the scriptures and for personal prayer. Jackson has been practicing and we will say it together sometimes. It just melts my heart. My heart is just filled and I couldn't be happier right now.

Our Life

I have been doing little projects here and there to finally make my house feel like a home. My dining room is complete. I am happy with the outcome. I have this fetish with red right now and love what it does to a room. Since we live in an apartment our living and dining rooms are pretty much the same so both rooms have red, beige, light blue and yellow in them. The only thing missing is some new couches and we will be set. I blame Pinterest for my decorating itch. That site has so much to choose from and so many ideas. My next big project is our bedroom. :)

Third Baby

No it's not what you think. We are not pregnant. However I would like to be in the future. This post is more about the attitudes around me than anything.

I joke to Richard sometimes about having another baby and he just laughs and then says something like "i hope its from someone else", or "i'll kill you if you get pregnant". He doesn't mean any of that but I think there are some undertones there. Like he doesn't really want another one but will do it for me. We finally talked about it last night and he is okay with it.

The next person is my mother. OMG! I feel like everytime I talk about another baby, she sighs and says "you better not be pregnant". It instantly makes me feel like a horrible mother. I immediately shut down and cling to my babies. I have always felt conscious or guilty about any thing I talk to my mom about. I feel like I haven't measured up to what she expected of me. I feel like she isn't totally happy with my companion choice and doesn't like that we struggle financially and that we fight sometimes. I feel like she judges us when the kids are crying to get up and we don't rush to get them out of bed because it is 7 in the morning and I don't want to. :) I feel like she thinks I could be a better parent. So when she sighs and makes comments about having another baby, all of these feelings and thoughts come into my mind and I just want to cry.

The last person to give me a hard time is myself. I know this sounds silly but it's true. I have always been a pleaser. I try to make everyone happy. So although I know we have more children out there. Although I know Heavenly Father would only allow us what we can handle. Although I have a empty part because we haven't brought all of our children to earth yet, and I sometimes cry for them, I fight it because I know how Richard and my mom feel about it. I don't want to upset them or disappoint them.

So the question is; Do I forget my children?, or Do I worry about what my mom thinks? This is a battle I have been having for about a month now.

Heavenly Father keeps reminding me that I am loved and that I am doing the best I can. My kids are happy and healthy and taken care of. Of course I lose my patience sometimes, and maybe I don't take them outside as much as I should, or I let them go to bed without brushing their teeth, but I love them. I read to them, sing to them, let them sleep with me, build houses and forts, paint with them, learn numbers, colors and letters, and teach them. Jackson and I are working on saying our nighttime prayers (he is such a good little man) and we read the friend at least once a week. Is it easy being a mother? No but it is totally worth it.

So to each or all of my little children still in heaven, I know you are there. And we will be together someday.

Thoughts

I am feeling very homesick and I don't really know for which home. I miss Michigan at many times throughout my day. I miss my Jennifer and her beautiful family. I miss Tiffany and her many adventures and how she knows me better than anyone. I miss my Bluewater family (even though I have been away from that ward for 14 years). I miss Jacqui, Sophia, Jesse, Jason and Justin Moore, they are my family away from family. I miss the water and the humidity and the beautiful green landscape and thunderstorms and awesome lightning. I miss the way people know how to drive there. I miss being part of a huge dedicated fan base. I miss cruising up and down Woodward Ave, whenever a team won. I miss having professional sports teams around to cheer for. I miss the freighters. I miss seeing the Canadian border. I miss the beach. I miss going Up North. I miss how strong the church is and how dedicated all the members are. I miss the closeness of the church members. I miss the sunsets and the rainstorms. I miss the crazy amounts of snow we would get but still know how to drive in it. :) I miss going to Detroit. I miss cruising the streets of Macomb county. I miss the 7-eleven runs. I miss the feeling I had every time I would come back from vacation and cross into the state and know that it was home.
Michigan will always be my home, I am afterall, a Michigan girl.

I think about all those wonderful memories and wonder if it is just a memory or would it still be like that. I want to show Richard my Michigan. I want him to see the beauty of the Wolverine State. I want him to experience the beach and water and lighthouses. I want him to cross the Mackinaw Bridge and know what UP NORTH means. I want my babies to know their heritage. Michigan is a great place. I can only look forward to the future.

Just us!

It's been a week since I last blogged and I keep telling myself that I need to be better at this because it is basically my journal.

Richard is still going strong in school. He has a semi hard semester and is trying his hardest to stay strong. I need to be more supportive and help any way I can. I do find myself getting frustrated with him when he doesn't use his time wisely (or at least like I think he should). I will work on that.

Jackson is getting so big. He is so smart. He is using complete sentences now. Just today he said "I will put this away by myself", I just love him even though he sometimes whines and throws himself on the floor. :) WE have been potty training for 2 weeks now. He is getting better every day. I need to be better at making him go to the potty and not in his pants. But overall we are headed in the right direction.

Madison is so determined. She is me completely. OH NO!!! She is still our little girl. She is 14 months old and can still wear some 9 month clothes but mostly 12 month. I love it. I hope she stays dainty. She is taking more and more steps every day. I am sure she will be walking by next week. She is always so proud of herself when she walks.

I am living each day. I am at a constant battle with myself to be super mom. I have a short fuse and poor jackson gets it more than anyone. I have talked to Richard and we need to make a valiant effort in giving Jackson one on one time. He needs to know that we love him and he is important. I am still working at the Olive Garden. I am striving to be more positive at work, even if that means just keeping my mouth shut and keeping to myself. Whatever helps.

My visiting teachers came over yesterday. They are sweet girls. I am sure we will grow close to each other, as they seem like very loving sisters.

I love my family and my ward. I pray Heavenly Father is pleased with me.

The Olive Garden

Why do I still work there? I ask myself that question every time I go to work. It's not because of the management team (well some of them anyway). Its not because of the money (tips suck in provo). It's not because of the people (I am not best friends with anyone there). So what is it? It's comfortable. It's mundane. It's easy.

I have a really hard time getting up and going to work. I hate all the drama that ensues in the restaurant and all the back stabbing that goes on. I work with mostly 21-24 year olds so it has its immaturity parts. I find myself falling into the gossip realm and talking just as much as some others. I don't like myself when I am there and especially when I return home.

Our new General Manager is a joke. She micro-manages and doesn't really have any faith in her employees. There are about 20 CTs in the restaurant which in any other Olive Garden would be a respectable position but in ours it is a laughing matter. We are not respected and taken seriously. We have monthly meetings but nothing is ever accomplished from them. Our GM never follows through on our assignments and ideas.

Some of the bartenders and take-out specialists are just rude. They think they own the place and take it upon themselves to tell all of us why we suck as employees and what we are doing wrong.

Some of the hosts are lazy and don't really care about there job.

Some servers are lazy and don't care about there job. However the servers aren't really taken seriously either. We are the closest to the action yet the managers never take our ideas or opinions in consideration.

The kitchen staff is mostly hispanic (and although I am not racist) and seem to not really care about the front of house staff. The kitchen crashes way to often and it seems they do it on purpose sometimes. The servers aren't very nice to them either, so until we resolve this issue, our kitchen/server relationship is just going to get worse.

There is favoritism that is blatanly obvious. I admit I am one of those favorites but I earn my keep. I do my best and I feel I have a ton of knowledge about the company that I can hold my own.

The overall morale of the restaurant is very low. WE do not feel united. It breaks my heart to go to work. Having worked for the company on and off for 10 years, it saddens me to see how different it is now compared to then. We have taken away ownership and responsibility. We are expecting the staff to work more with less.

So why do I stay? Because I am too stubborn to find a new job. Because a part of me still believes it will change, and a big part of me feels like the mama that has to take care of all the newbies and employees that aren't CTs or the favorites and don't really have a "say" in anything. Maybe I am in denial and it will never change but I have to hope, RIGHT?

Jackson

Jackson is my little bug. He is such a sweetheart and a helper. These two pictures peg him perfectly. He loves to sit by himself and try to figure things out, but does get frustrated easily. And then he loves to be involved and help however he can. He absolutely loved decorating those cookies.
He is my big 3 year old. He is tall and is growing so much. His shorts actually hit his knees instead of the middle of his calf. He can count to 10 and knows the colors orange, yellow, red, green, blue, purple and white. He can recognize squares, circles, rectangles, ovals and triangles. He loves, loves Thomas and Friends and watches them more than he probably should. He sleeps with the thomas train. He loves cars and owns about 135 hotwheels. He can even name them all when he sees the real life version on the street. He loves to help in any way, whether it be dusting with me, vacuuming, getting sisters diapers, putting away laundry, cleaning up toys, making cookies, taking out trash, he is such a big boy. Sometimes I wish he would just be a kid though and not worry about helping so much. He is definitely my cuddle bug. WE still have some bad nights where he will sleep with us or in Grandma's room. We really need to break that habit.

We are truly blessed to be parents to both of our children. They are definitely angels from our Heavenly Father and it is a priviledge to be their parents.

Madison

These are just a few of the things that Madison loves to do. She is definitely my stubborn independent girl. ( I have no idea where she gets it from) lol. She is now officially a year old, well actually 13 months old but whatever. She is standing but not walking, she loves to be read to. She never gives up and will fight me to get what she wants even if she shouldn't have it. She is starting to sing to music and loves it. She loves her sleep, and sleeps about 10 hours a night. She loves her stuffed animals and can have at least 3 in her bed when she is sleeping. She can climb up and down off the couch. She has 10 teeth with 2 more molars coming in. She gets her feelings hurt easily and has already started telling us all the mean things Jackson does to her (in baby talk of course). She is the more outgoing of my two children. She is very smiley and loves to laugh. I look forward to her growth and can't wait to see her personality shine more.

I love my family!

Happy Valentines Day 2012. I am not a huge fan of this holiday only because I hate how much it is commercialized but I do enjoy decorating the house. I tell Richard that I want our house to be remembered by our children and grandchildren that it was the warm, inviting decorated house no matter the holiday. So with little resources that I had, I cut hearts out of card stock and hung them on a string and hung them from the wall. I pulled out our red lights and draped them around the window. I then put out candy dishes and used only red dishes for dinner that night. That was enough to get the feel.

Richard has class on Tuesdays from 8 in the morning until 10 at night so we celebrated on Sunday. We had some friends over for a southern dinner (fried chicken, mashed potatoes, collared greens, rolls and cupcakes as dessert). I found a really cute goodie idea of off Pinterest and decided to see if I could do it. It turned out really cute. I passed them out to everyone who seemed to appreciate it. Overall it was a wonderful day filled with love, food and friendship.

Richard did surprise me on his way home on Tuesday (the actual valentines day) with a dozen roses and a ton of Reese's Cups. That made my week.

I may not like the holiday very much but I do love that it reminds me to love my family that much more and be grateful for them.

The ever changing Jackson.

This is my sweet little boy who usually wants to help and is so good at helping.
Lately he has turned into this emotional little thing that gets his feelings hurt so easily and cries at the drop of a hat. I am not sure what is going on. For instance today, he put in a Thomas movie and I was skipping the previews to get to the movie and he just pouted up his bottom lip and tears started welling up in his eyes and almost instantly screamed "NO". I didn't understand. I thought he wanted to watch the movie. "why do they put previews on kids movies anyway?" I had to cuddle him for a good 5 minutes and rewind it to the silly previews so he would calm down.
I have never experienced this before so it is new to me on how to handle it. He is mostly a very happy boy, but these moments are so hard. I guess I will just do my best and by the time I figure it out a new stage will come around. :)

It's catch up time!!!

So we finally got a computer. YAY! Let me just sum up the last 6 months. We moved on September 30th to an apartment in Orem. LOVE IT. It is less expensive rent and utility wise. It is all one level so we don't have to worry about the babies and it actually has enough space for us. We are enjoying our time here so far.

October brought mom's birthday and Kirks birthday. November brought Thanksgiving.

December brought all sorts of holidays/celebrations. Our anniversary is on the 8th which fell on a Thursday this year. Richard had class on Thursdays until 9pm so we couldn't go out that day, so we planned for Saturday the 10th. Lo and behold we both got scheduled to work even after requesting it off so we worked. BLAH! The next day after church we went to Chili's. That was our big 4 year anniversary celebration. :(. The 18th is Jackson's birthday. WE had a wonderful breakfast. (I started a tradition of making a big breakfast with heart shaped pancakes for the birthday person) We spent the day playing games, running around, watching movies, building tracks with cars, eating cake, opening presents. We made finger foods so we could just snack and enjoy one another's company. He really had a wonderful time and it was a perfect birthday. Dec 24, Richard and I worked until about 7ish. We made it home to play some games and eat junk. My favorite part was getting Jackson to bed so Santa could come. :) We put out the presents. It was a very good Christmas this year. The next morning Mom and I woke up around 630 to start all the food. Church was a 11 so we had to get stuff done before the kids woke up. Madison woke up at 730 so we woke up Jackson. Oh man was it so fun watching them open presents. Jackson is finally understanding what's going on so he had a blast. Madison loved her baby doll, she would not let go of it. We ate a wonderful breakfast then all got ready to go to church. They only had sacrament which was nice. The rest of the day was spent setting up the kids new toys and playing, eating and sleeping. We were truly blessed this Christmas. Dec 27 was Madison's birthday. We took her to build-a-bear and got her her very own stuffed animal so she would leave Jackson's alone. She loves it. That night we had cake and ice cream. Also loved that. Needless to say December was a fun filled month.

January brought a new year and lots of changes. Richard started class on the 9th. My schedule changed. Jackson is now "free" years old and he is a changed little man. He is such a helper and always loving on Madison. As of the 10th he has been pacifier free and it is such a difference. He talks so much and is such a happy little boy. We carry on conversations about everything. It is so fun to hear him speak and see him grow. Madison is 1 and she is a little spitfire. She is a very determined little girl. She will not stop until she has what she wants. And she knows what she wants, she won't settle. I love it.

We are currently still waiting for Richards school money (about 2500 dollars). Because of this we experienced a very hard thing yesterday. At 6 AM, Madison woke up (she never wakes up this early). I gave her some milk and changed her diaper. As I walked back to my room, I heard a loud vehicle outside so decided to look. A man was shining a flashlight into our car! I woke up Richard in a panic. We stood on the balcony for a bit and realized he was taking the vehicle. My plan was to catch up on the past due balance with the school money, so we pretty much knew we were screwed when the money didn't show. We ran outside to see if we could get our stuff. He let us. We grabbed everything we could think of. I cried for hours. Mom went to work. Richard walked to class and I slept for 2 hours. I woke up around 11 and started making phone calls. It was then I learned that we were not getting the car back. We had to pay it off in order to get it back (we still owed 20,000 dollars) or get refinanced. Neither one of the options would ever happen so we discussed it and realized this was for the better. The Lord knew our stresses and hearts and knew we didn't really want a $552 car payment so he took it away. They are going to auction it off and we will go from there. I called our insurance and cancelled that, we have $43 coming back (blessing). In the long run this will be worth it. We will have to work really hard to get back on our feet and get a different form of transportation but this is what we have been praying for.

I know the Lord loves us and is watchful over our every need and desire. I am grateful for my family and great friends. Because of Chad and Sara Gibbons, I can now update my blog as often as I would like. Thanks for the computer.