I've always been the type to please everyone else and I can't change that. Or I don't know how to change it. I even do it with my husband.
Before I had Jackson I was a partier. For about 10 years I led a life that was unworthy and sinful. I may not regret those years because I have learned so much but I do wish I could forget it. Unfortunately I have the ability to get addicted to things and since drugs and alcohol were part of those years it is hard to forget. I am surrounded by all these reminders of my past and I just want to get away. I know for a fact that my children saved me. If it wasn't for them I would probably still be in the same spot.
Tonight I went to pick up Richard from work and had some time to visit with some old coworkers. Let me tell you I miss it. I'm being completely honest. Richard is going to be hanging out with some people from work this Sunday and I am jealous. I hate that I am jealous!!! I know it is wrong and I know how it makes me feel afterwards but I still miss it. What makes it even worse is there will be people there that I do not care for and Richard will most likely be the only one that is married and it upsets me. Its not the life I want so why do I miss it?
2 comments:
You might miss is because it represents freedom. I've struggled with the same things and after having children decided that it was time for me to be a responsible adult. To me that meant setting a good example and only allowing myself to move forward. I'm still tempted to drink or smoke but I can't allow myself to take those steps backwards. I love that you're willing to be so honest about your feelings :)
You are so right Kristin. These little spirits depend on us and no way am I gonna screw that up. Thanks for understanding.
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