Thursday, February 24, 2011
Do you ever just feel inadequate?
Lately I have been a little stressed. Richard is going to school and I made the decision to let him have the semester off from working. Well I am not really sure if I will do that again. I am the only one working and it is hard. I have to put in at least 30 hours just to make it work, which means 5 days a week. We are a month behind on every single bill and our taxes are just going to catch us up not put us ahead at all. It is really heart wrenching to know that we don't have a savings, we can barely pay our car payment or insurance and sometimes we have to scrounge around to buy diapers. Mom is trying to find a job to ease the burden which is very sweet of her, but at times I just can't take her money. So in turn, I will still be working but maybe just not as much. I have so much respect for women who work full time and keep their house and family perfect. After work I just can't relax, I need to spend time with my kids even if I am tired, but I am always tired and end up being grouchy. I need to find a balance. But then there are days when I am not working, I need to be super mom. I can't allow anyone else to take care of my children or my house. I need to clean and make 3 meals a day and make sure there is enough play time inside and out and the babies are fed and clean and bills are paid and anything else that needs to be done. Like today I have already started 2 loads of laundry, fed madison, made breakfast and cleaned the kitchen. It is frustrating when I don't get all of it done and I find myself going to bed still thinking about it and feeling like a failure. I also have a really hard time asking Richard to take over some of the duties. (actually i get frustrated having to ask him, in my perfect fantasy world, he just knows what he has to do and does it without me asking, but that isn't reality). I hate feeling small and like I am not doing enough. I know my kids aren't neglected, the bills get paid (late sometimes), dinner is made most of the time, we have a lot of fun together and my children are happy children but I still feel this way and I wish I knew how to get over it. My inadequacy is probably my own doing and thinking but it is still there. Am I alone? Does anyone else feel like this? We will see.
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2 comments:
I used to have a hard time asking shem to do some work around the house. We both work full time, but his job is a bit more demanding,so i felt like I had to do all of the cleaning and cooking. When it didn't get done, or if he had to help me I felt awful and like a failure too. Now (especially after being pregnant and sick in my 1st Trimester) I don't feel so guilty when I need his help. I think it helps to have semi-assigned chores so that you don't have to ask him to help and then he can just do whatever he needs to do and give you a break. I also think that sometimes we need to put our pride aside and just ask for help. He can do the dishes if you cook. He can fold laundry if you wash it, etc. It's definitely okay for husbands to help around the house. :) Working 30 hours a week, taking care of two kids, and tending to home duties is way more than full-time work! You're not a failure by any means...you're just trying to be a super-hero. :)
I completely understand what you are talking about. Since Doug has gone back to school full-time and is working full-time I am at home with the kids, plus I can't drive. I have to rely on others for help. It was a little hard in the beginning but that is what the church and Relief Society is there for. I think you are doing an awesome job and you have inspired me to try and do a better job. I get to be at home with my kids all day and I love it, most of the time, lol.
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